The zeal of most leaders of the governing Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) is so scary that it can send a whole squadron of winged pigs into an impromptu flight.
It is so baffling to see how the DPP leaders render themselves to public ridicule when they try to fix things that are not even broken.
Actually, the thick-headedness of some DPP leaders plays out in embarrassing series that look like a comedy from Mollywood. But not many Malawians can muster the patience to watch it to the very end. It is simply a bad movie that cannot sell.
Just a few days ago, Presidential Advisor on Youth Affairs, Nick Masebo, told a political rally in Chitipa District that the DPP would send spies to all Agricultural Development and Marketing Corporation (Admarc) selling points to fight corruption which he claimed was rampant.
So, if you care to know, that is the kind of advice Masebo can give the President at an earliest available opportunity.
Interestingly, just like sheep that walk in a single file and foolishly keep on falling into a pit, Masebo was supported by DPP Regional Governor for the North, Kenneth Sanga, who said the espionage was meant to help Mutharika root out corruption.
If you ask me, I would quickly say that such kind of thinking is the actual embodiment of corruption because it corrupts the way things are supposed to be handled.
I can volunteer to offer free advice to Masebo and Sanga, who refuse to grow politically. There is no need to send panga-wielding cadets in Admarc markets because Malawi already has State organs that have specialised in intelligence gathering.
Instead of burning the candle on both ends as they are doing, Masebo and Sanga can ask relevant ministries to seek the services of Fiscal Police, the National Intelligence Bureau or the Anti-Corruption Bureau. If that is a tall order for them, they can just walk into a nearest police unit and ask for assistance from any general duties police officer.
You see, we underrate these regular police officers but they are very good and creative. There is no way they can tell you that your complaint is invalid. The least they can do is to use a-one-charge-fits-all approach by slapping a suspect with “conduct likely to cause breach of peace”. And the catch word there is “likely”.
But Masebo’s thinking is not an isolated case. This is what resulted into the Independence Day tragedy that killed eight innocent children from Mtandire and Senti at Bingu National Stadium (BNS).
This country has the Department of Public Events. This department is as old as the Republic of Malawi itself. The department is the one that organised all functions of the quality-conscious founding president, Dr Hasting Kamuzu Banda.
During Kamuzu’s time, Malawians would travel from all corners of the country to converge in Blantyre. The department would make sure that everyone had a seat at Kamuzu Stadium without hassles.
It is unbelievable that the Public Events Department has been reduced to a side show. Its officers, who the tax-payer has trained in protocol, etiquette and crowd management, are just filling in cross-word puzzles in Malawi’s premier daily, The Daily Times, as they wait for the next pay cheque.
It is such zeal which caused Maizegate. Look, Admarc and the Ministry of Agriculture had no business poking their noses in importation of maize to avert a looming food crisis.
This country has the Department of Disaster Management Affairs (Dodma). If the food shortage was really a disaster as the politicians wanted us to believe, then Dodma was supposed to lead in averting it.
But someone did not want someone to look clever. And we all know someone who presides over Dodma in Malawi. Again someone wanted to cash in on a perceived crisis after scaring Malawians with staggering figures that did not make sense.
How I wish Presidential Advisor on Religious Affairs, Apostle Timothy Khoviwa, would tell the President that zeal without wisdom has always ended up in disasters such as the stadium tragedy or the Maizegate.
Khoviwa knows that, despite faithfully leading the Israelites out of bondage, the biblical Moses was not allowed to enter Canaan because he struck a rock instead of speaking to it as the Lord commanded him.
Again, Khoviwa is aware that Uzzah, who was a respected priest, was struck dead for trying to save the Ark of Covenant from falling from an ox-cart. Yes, Uzzah wanted to save God from the embarrassment of having his Ark tip-off from a cart.
DPP leaders must, therefore, get this right that just as it might be folly to stand-still in a busy street, it is also unwise to be walking around the park when everyone else is engrossed in meditation.